Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
