I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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