You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
