ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
