i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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