sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
