Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
