u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
