I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
