dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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