All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is my gift to your gina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
