I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
