Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
