Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize