I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
