His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
