Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
