i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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