I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
