she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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