No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When are your genitals available?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
