no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
