After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
