The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
