this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
