Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
