I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
