I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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