'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
