so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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