i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
