He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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