i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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