He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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