So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
