I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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