My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
