take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
