I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
