The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
