I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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