i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Be still, my beating vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
