i barfeds in our rink
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
