Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
