You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
