I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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