You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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