I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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