It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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