It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
