She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
