It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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