I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
