I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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