I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
3 2 1 whiskey
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize