Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
