you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I sprained my soul last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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