he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
