Non-Jews are for practice
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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