so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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