That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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