I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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