if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
