well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You are the jesus of drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize