I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
