I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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